Certain Circumstance Ch. 4

About a week later Mikey was happy to be taking Gerard home. He sat in the driver's seat, constantly stopping when he reached the tiniest bump, he didn't want to jostle Gerard around too much. "I'm not gonna break," Gerard said with a little smile as a cars honked their horns at Mikey who was going twenty miles an hour.

"I know you're not but it hurts you so I'm doing my best to slow down. The assholes behind me can deal with it," Mikey said as he glared into the rearview mirror. Gerard just smiled at him and shook his head lightly, looking back to the road before them. "So you're sure you'll be alright without someone staying with you tonight?"

"Yes, Michael, I'm a big boy but I'll call you if I hear something and get scared," Gerard joked with a playful, dramatic fear lacing his voice.

"Stop it. You know I'm just worrying about you," Mikey said with a bit of an irritated tone as the car behind them laid on the horn once more.

"I know and I appreciate it but Mikey, I'm okay," he said reassuringly, reaching over to shake his little brother's shoulder lightly. "It won't be long before Nora can start visiting again." He couldn't wait to have her back over. She hadn't seen him much since he spent all that time in the hospital and he was really missing her.

"Well you just rest and she'll be able to come over all the sooner," Mikey said as he pulled into Gerard's neighborhood.

"Yes, Nurse Mikey," Gerard smirked.

"Gerard, I love you but I swear to God I will pop you in the face," he said with a bit more irritation that Gerard found cute. He always loved to see Mikey all flustered and knew his little brother would never hit him, especially now.  Mikey pulled the car into Gerard's driveway and he got out on his side, rushing over to help Gerard who was already trying to get out of the car.

"I've got it," Gerard muttered as he stood and Mikey closed the door. Gerard slowly walked up to his front door and got his keys out of his pocket, moving a little slow since his muscles ached a bit.  Mikey tried to help him but Gerard teasingly slapped his hand away. He got the key in the lock and quickly opened the door, walking in and setting his keys down. Mikey followed him in.

"Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich. Let me open some windows, it's stuffy in here," Mikey muttered as he ran around in different directions, in turn, getting nothing accomplished.

"Mikey, go home." Gerard grabbed his little brother and nudged him towards the door. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy his company, he just didn't enjoy him fretting and making him more nervous then he was. "I'll call you if I need anything and I will call you tonight anyway just to check in, if I'm not resting, I promise. Now out." He smiled softly as he pointed towards the door and Mikey slightly sighed.

"Well call me if anything happens. Even if you just feel a little off, you call and let me know," Mikey pointed his finger at Gerard like it was a weapon that would make him meet his doom.

"Yes, Michael," Gerard teasingly smiled.

"Don't call me that," he said as he scrunched up his face bitterly, then he relaxed it. "I love you."

"I love you too," Gerard grinned. "Bye Mikey." He waved to his brother as he left and closed the door behind him. Gerard sighed out softly and rested his hands on his hips as he looked into the living room. He looked at the pull out love seat and his heart ached as his brain remembered the time Frank had been curled up into him on the same mattress that still rested beneath the cushions.

He walked over to the couch slowly and pulled the cushions off it, setting them on the floor neatly. He kicked back the coffee table, making sure not to bump it, just using his foot to slowly push it back. Once he had roomed he pulled out the old mattress and looked at it, the same sheets were on it, they'd been washed but only once, they were the same. Gerard went to his room and grabbed up his pillows and a few more from the cupboard in the hall.

He walked into the living room and situated the pillows the way he wanted them. Two up where his head would go and three seeming to make a body beside them. He lay down beside the row of pillows and rested his head down, pulling the blankets up over him and the makeshift body. He closed his eyes and nuzzled the sheets, swearing for a second he could smell Frank deep in the fabrics but only for a second. He wrapped his arms around the pillow that he had laid down and closed his eyes, picturing Frank's torso. It reminded him of that day he had held Frank, he felt like he was nineteen again and they had just gotten back from the dock in town, the night he had saved him.

He thought about his life now, how shallow some of it seemed.  Sure, he was happy to an extent but many things in his life just didn't come up to quota. He lived alone, was twenty-five, a virgin, and was in love with a man he hadn't seen since he was nineteen.  He thought about how he had shamelessly jerked off to the image of Frank ever since he had left and had gotten no further. He hadn't loved another person or even kissed another person. He wondered if it was the same for Frank or if he had moved on, he could even be married, with a kid. Sure he was only twenty-one, soon to be twenty-two but there was still a possibility.

He then went to a dark place his mind always wandered, what if Frank was dead? What if his mother had killed him in one of her violent acts? What if he got into drugs like his mom? There were so many scenarios that kept him from living that Gerard didn't want to think about. He closed his eyes and only snuggled the pillow closer and closer as he imagined Frank was in his arms.

"I miss you, Frankie," Gerard quietly whispered, keeping his eyes closed and soon enough falling into the land of dreams.